Why am I going through...
Another fight. Or maybe numbness. Or abuse, emotional or physical. Maybe both. Failure. A breakup. Losing a best friend. A death. A mental illness. Someone you love going through a mental illness. Or a terminal illness. Or...
It can feel unfair to go through extreme difficulties in life. Stuff that nobody deserves. Although sometimes some people seem like they do deserve some of the difficulty others are going through. But I never said that. And of course, I never think that.
Here´s what I do think though:
As impossible and draining and absolutely crushingly defeating it feels to go through something dark, I don´t believe that anyone goes through something they are not capable of enduring and growing from in some way. I don´t want to see anything that happens to me or anyone else as punishment. Or as deserved. More like a chance for expansion, which is why the universe sometimes puts these rocks (or mountains, or planets or galaxies) in your way. Expansion and knowing itself is the number one priority of this universe; at least that´s what I believe. And growing has never been easy. It hurts. A lot. You lash out, you kick and scream or quietly sit in a corner, internally burning icy cold.
Nobody deserves bad things. But when they do happen, they happen to you because this universe knows that potentially you can survive this and learn so much from it. Not because it hates you. You can rise like the damn beautiful phoenix out of the ashes (yes, I used that dorky image). And any way you deal with it is the perfect way of dealing with it for YOU at that time. If you need to shut the world out: do it. As soon as you don´t truly feel like doing that anymore, change your ways. Maybe scream at it. Maybe hug it. Whatever you need to do to cope is what you need to do. And just believe that you can and you will come out of whatever it is that you are battling through. What this means in essence, is that you going through bad things is a testament to your own strength, to your willpower. Not your failure and weakness. Your power, your infinite strength (although it doesn´t seem infinite) qualify you to grow an incredible amount in short periods of time. Hurting a lot means you´re expanding a lot in a short amount of time.
This does not mean that you are weak and just standing still, not learning and earning your stretch marks because you are not fighting something hard. It just means that you are expanding at a slower rate and doing a perfect job doing so. And that is equally amazing.
I know that a lot of people, especially those who went through heartbreaking episodes in their lives, truly impossible-seeming wars, will disagree with me. Tell me that I have no clue what I am talking about. And maybe I don´t. Maybe I do. I just want you to know that, either way, I am proud of you for doing this, for having done it, for still battling it, for fighting something that to outsiders seems like is done and over. You have immense strength. And we all can never thank you enough for expanding yourself like this, because one particle expanding the universe, expands the whole of the universe.
Have a great day and stay here.