Just being here
It´s a wonderful morning. The blue sky looks like a ceiling painting in an Italian church, the birds are singing. My window lets in a breeze that gently touches my face and I am sitting on my bed, in the lotus position, wearing Aladdin-style pants, a glass of Kombucha next to me, eyes softly closed, breathing deeply. Seemingly meditating.
But my mind doesn´t like presence. It loves the future. It adores the past. It falls head over heels in love with fantasies, anxiety and imagining winning arguments I have lost in the past few weeks. Or years. It doesn´t really matter. In all honesty: I love it when my mind plays.
"Just being here" is a problem for me. Presence does not come easy. It´s not effortless and sometimes when I achieve it, I find it boring after two minutes. And I hate admitting that.
But here´s the thing. Those two minutes of pure presence catch me out of nowhere. And they are utter bliss. So peaceful and relaxed; filled with a love that is so different from what I normally perceive to be love: an exciting rush, laughter and passion, the need to hug. In these two minutes, it´s a love for myself and this beautiful, cruel world. It´s a love that sneaks in quietly and just makes me smile lightly on the inside. That just makes me feel grateful for existing and being.
That´s why I meditate. And with practice, I have been able to catch myself faster when my mind thinks it needs to be running again. I catch myself and just think: "Wow, thinking about that again, huh? That´s cool, file that away for later, love". Yes, I know, I even call myself "love"- that took some practice, too. A lot of practice actually. So I focus on this space between breaths, where I can feel the air touching me, my sweater on my arms and the smell of the city, the sound of the birds and my breath. I can feel the cool air coming in and leaving me a little warmer, right at the tip of my nose.
I don´t meditate in these moments. I get meditated. And that´s what I think true meditation is. Because then it´s effortless for just a couple of moments.
Do you try to be present for a couple of minutes, maybe even hours a day (maybe you´re a total pro)? Does it have an effect on you during your daily life? I´d love to know.
Have a great day and stay here.